He turns my darkness into Light!

You are my lamp, O LORD; the LORD turns my darkness into light.
2 Samuel 22:29

Theres something I've come to learn that is completely authentic, always dependable and utterly undeniable; and it's that God's characteristics NEVER change. No matter what is happening with my life, no matter the hardship, no matter the love that I feel, it is constant.

You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.
Psalm 18:28

The love that I feel coming out of church, is the same love that He gives and shows me when I lose someone that I love. The grace that He showers over me when I'm sitting here is just the same as while I'm living in sin. The compassion He exudes is unending. The power of salvation CONSTANTLY covers my head. His holy presence abundantly flows encompassing my entire life. His comfort is plentiful not only during the easy times, but throughout the tough times. My trust in Him overflows daily. And I pray that my knowledge of Him deepens with every breath.

When His lamp shone upon my head and by His light I walked through darkness!
Job 29:3

I understand from my past that when darkness strikes alongside there is ALWAYS light. Though it may be small nevertheless it is ALWAYS there. It may be hard to see in the current situation but again it never ceases to be there. I realize it is hard to see God against all situations, but He NEVER fails to grab onto our hand and reveal to us His Majesty. I know that it is easy to focus all our attention towards the tough times, but continuously God pulls our minds from it, and there we are left gazing into His magnificent eyes.

I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.
Isaiah 42:16

And that is where I kneel today, before a Savior who completes me. Arms completely stretched and hands completely open. Comforted in the knowledge that every tear is caught in his hands. Gazing into a majestic God, who a hundred times over will save me, a thousand times over will fight on behalf of me, and a million times over will remind me of this AMAZING love He has for me; as a father beaming down at His precious daughter.

Savior Please.

"Savior, please take my hand .

I work so hard, I live so fast.

This life begins, then it ends.

And then I do the best that I can,

but I don't know how long I'll last.

I try to be so tough,

but I'm just not strong enough.

I can't do this alone, God I need you

to hold on to me.

I try to be good enough,

but I'm nothing without your love.

Savior, please keep saving me.

Savior, please help me stand.

I fall so hard, I fade so fast.

Will you begin right where I end?

And be the God of all I am because you're all I have.

Hallelujah!

Everything you are to me

is everything I'll ever need.

and i am learning to believe

cause you're the one who's saving me"

"Savior Please."

By Josh Wilson

Isaiah 60:20

It's one of those nights...

A night where everyone seems so distant. A night when the tears keep flowing. A night when unceasing prayer is the ONLY solution. A night where a tangible love is all you need. A night where the world seems to be put on pause and aches alongside you.

"Your sun shall no more go down, nor your moon withdraw itself; for the Lord will be your everlasting light, and your days if mourning shall be ended." Isaiah 60:20

Trials.

I've gotten a TINY taste of what it's like to suffer these past few years. But along with that I've gotten a TINY taste of a magnificent Savior these past few years.

Through the years if you asked anyone who was there along for the ride during those tough times it wasn't pretty. There wasn't anything glamorous about my life it was a battle between light and darkness; an encounter between good and evil; a black and white picture.

This dry, and dreary picture throughout the past months has had colour burst and explode from it. Something beautiful has erupted from the center and is becoming more and more breathtaking every single day.

It's when God uses your trials, the situations where you've come out standing instead of face down to help others who are going through similar situations is when colour starts leaking through the picture and when these beautiful images show up and cover old scars and old hurts it's something so enthralling so captivating it motivates us to move ahead and bring about greater change.

I was able to help out a friend this week who is struggling with something similar to what I've been struggling with these past years. I was able to help her, give her verses and come alongside her. It was the most amazing feeling, and everything seemed so right. It dimmed down memories, it highlighted what Christ has done for us.

When Christ was here on Earth, He suffered beyond compare. Now when we call upon His name He knows how to comfort us, He knows what we're going through, and best of all He knows how to turn our heads towards the right path, to move us towards the perfection He wants us to obtain.

I'm thankful for Christ's sufferings and what an affect they've made in my life. And I am also thankful that my trials have been used to help others.

775 Years.

Seven hundred and seventy five.

The amount of years spent by about twenty fearless woman of God who served overseas as long-term missionaries.

I was privileged enough to sit down and have a meal with them. To hear some of their AMAZING stories, to realize my hopes, dreams and desires have been fulfilled by these incredible women. That a life of complete service to the Lord is necessary.

These woman’s calls were quite clear, they knew that they needed nothing less than the faith that Christ would provide and the knowledge of how big the God we serve is.

My Heart.

"Now I am about to go the way of all the earth. You know with all your heart and soul that not one of all the good promises the LORD your God gave you has failed. Every promise has been fulfilled; not one has failed." Joshua 23:14

I sometimes feel disappointed that I am still here, that somehow I have taken a step off of the path that God has put before me, and in some way have managed to put my own personal wants, and desires in front of the will of God. And that what God has told me these months before, these promises, I might not be strong enough to complete the task set before me.

"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace." Acts 20:24

I am then reminded that my life is worth nothing, unless I am on this path towards a beautiful, loving God. Towards perfection that took the form of a human, that gave His everything for me. When I think of these things, I think that I have been so privileged to be a chosen daughter of Christ. To have been appointed to not just live my life, but live it with a purpose. To live my life with the ambition of preaching the Gospel to those who have not yet heard. To live my life with the desire of striving to do nothing less than please God. To live my life with the intent of having God's flawless qualities flow through my every moment.To live my life with the final destination being the total exultation of Christ.

The expectation is high, and rightfully should be. There is a flawless God working through me; a God who is nothing less than perfection. The expectation is excellence with every breathe. It is my duty to do the unimaginable for God, to do the things I get laughed at for, for the things that people don't understand, to do the things that my family may think is a waste of time. It my my duty at this time is to go to India for a God that I'd give my life for.

It may be discouraging along the way, where there are bumps in the road, where there are obstacles in the way of getting you to what's expected of you. But theres inspiration! Theres a tangible love that Christ shows, there is the history of a God who lived a sinless life even as the sins of the world were thrown at Him. It could be done! That in itself gives me the desire to strive for nothing less in my life. "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father." John 14:12 Wow!!! Such a bold statement made by Christ. A statement that I'm ready to base my life on. A statement that will make me bold in the times where I may have been timid.

A simple affirmation from Christ was all it took today, to set my hopes and desires once again on Him.

"For even if I boast somewhat freely about the authority the Lord gave us for building you up rather than pulling you down, I will not be ashamed of it." 2 Corinthians 10:8

What He deserves.

My heart beats for only the Lord. My thoughts are focused on Him alone. My hands move in His name. My words are spoken in reverence to an almighty God. My actions are centered on the will of God. My prayers exalt Jesus' name. My attitude distinguishes me as a Christian. Everything that I am strives for the exclusive glorification of Christ.

This is my prayer today. That the above statements would become true; and no matter what is happening in my life; I pray that my life, my EVERYTHING, would be in total exultation of a perfect God. That I'd devote myself to what I believe in even when things are tough. That I would live my life in worship to a God to who deserves nothing less.

After writing this I realize yet again what a magnificent God we serve. How radiant is His love in my life, how marvelous is His influence that reaches me at every single moment. I'm realizing how entwined I am and how far I am leaning onto God... and I adore Him for that.

"O LORD, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago." Isaiah 25:1

The Cross

Nine months ago on the first of the month, my world was turned upside down.

"But though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love; for he does not willingly afflict or grieve the children of men." Lamentations 3:32-33

I've learned a lot of things these past nine months.

I think the biggest and most important thing that I've learned over these months have been my deepening understanding of the cross.

The knowledge and faith that once something has been brought to the foot of the cross it is no longer our burden.

The comprehension of the defeat of our sins by the blood.

The power to grasp the cleansing power of this blood.

The beauty of a Savior who in our place took on the agonies of Hell, and suffered beyond anything in our wildest imaginations.

The picture that was painted of a God who's unconditional love goes beyond the boundaries of death and reaches down to us individually.

The encouragement that He gives us being able to overcome sufferings of this world.

The compassion and grace that was shown to the children of God.

The majesty of a flawless God who choses to be my friend.

The more I think of it; the more things the cross means to me.

Seven hours Jesus spent on the cross. In seven long minutes my world shattered. In seven days the earth was created. And seven times more will I praise the Lord with my every breath.

"O Lord, my Lord, the strength of my salvation, you have covered my head in the day of battle."Psalm 140:7

What a beautiful Savior.

This one is His.

I give it all to Him.

No matter what the cost.

I have already lost.

I can't do it alone.

I need Him by my side.

Hope cannot be found.

This far into the ground.

I have lifted up my sorrow.

It overfills His hands.

I had to look away.

It was not meant to stay.

My pain thus far remains

But in rememberence to Him.

Jesus paid the price.

The final sacrifice.

With this thought I'm lifted.

How could I've overlooked it?

Even though I'm hurting.

He stands there still alerting.

What a beautiful thing.

I simply do not comprehend.

What a beautiful Savior.

I say again:

What a beautiful Savior.

Relief.

"Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer." Psalm 4:1

When Jesus died on the cross giving up His life in place for us he boldly stated "It is finished." (Luke 19:30) In the same way when we completely surrender something to Jesus and we declare for His will to be done not ours; it is finished. We have left it for Jesus to say yes, no or later.

These past weeks have been a struggle, so many things going on with my family, with India and with me. I am currently finishing the Old Testament and read in Nahum 1:7 "The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him." And I thought this was just AMAZING.

God doesn't get to know us better when everything is perfect, and when we are strong. He gets to know us better when we are in hard times, in the times where he comes alongside us and helps us through our troubles, through our hardships and through the time where we don't even know what way is up or down. God is there and by pressing into Him it allows us to become more aware of who our Father is, and who He still is through our hard times.

That was my week this week; crying out to God telling Him I didn't know what was going on, I couldn't see what was up and what was down. It took a couple days for me to stand up, take a step back and realize that no matter what is going on in my life that God is unchanging. What I thought of Him in the middle of Honduras, or not going to Brasil, and at a weekend service; His characteristics never change, He will always be my loving Father who is my refuge in times of need.

I gave up all my desires, all my dreams and all my plans for the future. It was harder than I thought it would be. It comes down to the fact that I trust God more than I trust myself. It comes down to the fact that God knows more about me than I know myself, He knows my desires and the best part of it all is that He's going to be there holding my hand, lifting my chin up in hard times, and when I need Him the most I'll be there wrapped in His arms and He'll be there comforting me reminding me that this is HIS will.

This has been a HUGE relief this week. It's in ALL in God's hands now!!

"I know you've washed me white  Turned my darkness into light  I need your peace to get me through  To get me through this night  I can't live by what I feel  But by the truth your word reveals  I'm not holding on to you  But your holding on to me  Your holding on to me " Casting Crowns

It's been a few weeks of not knowing what lies ahead, of not knowing when I am going to leave. It's been a few weeks of trusting God that His timing is perfect. 

Your Grace is Enough.

Do we make plans and then ask God to prefect them?

Or do we ask God to direct our paths, direct our thoughts, actions and way of living?

Do we ask God in all His perfection what our next move should be?

Our omniscient God, does He take a back row when it comes to our life plans?

It's time that I take step back. It's time that I allow God and His flawless qualities to actually be put to use in my life. It's time that get back onto the path that God has set before me.

I don't get a say; I don't get to choose where He takes me; I don't get to make a request; I don't get to know where He will lead me; and I don't get to back out when times get rough.

I do get assurance, I do get my Creator choosing a perfect path for me, I do get a God that knows my deepest heart's desires; I do get a loving Father guiding His precious child's footsteps; I do get grace when it's needed, I do get strength for anything He brings towards me, and I do get a friendship that is worth every moment.

He's made it quite clear, it's written it out in plain English that this is what I need to do. That without doing this I'm not equip to go to India, I'm not ready to surrender my entire life. What I need to do today is trust. Trust that God is mighty to save, and trust that He's got my back. Trust in His timing and trust that His grace is enough.

As I get closer and closer to God; I'm getting closer and closer to what He has in store for me. Right now it's India. Right now it's the children that He's lost.

His grace is enough; and it's my prayer today that I will never forget that.

Jesus Freaks

Sometimes I feel as though God should have chosen someone else; that I'm not strong enough to endure through the things that He's called me to do. That somehow He's made a mistake and I can't possibly be called to the middle of India. Sometimes I feel that it's just all too overwhelming and I have a great life here. Sometimes I think that there must be someone better suited to go into the depths of India to preach the Gospel.

"For He knows how weak we are; He remembers we are only dust." Psalm 103:14 I am reminded that it's true: I am not worthy, I am not fit for the task He's put ahead of me, and mostly I have been gifted with a gift which I do not deserve. But still God has chosen me; worth only as a spec of dust in His eyes, yet He's chosen me. He's chosen to work through me, to strengthen me, to give me a worth, to give me boldness in His name, and most importantly He's done what cost Him His son for me; He's given me eternity.

I'm leaving to India in two days. These thoughts ring in my mind over and over again. I've been truly blessed. God's given me a purpose and a desire to follow Him. He will be the one strengthening me and encouraging me in India. His mighty works will be displayed throughout India and I have the privilege of going along the ride with Him. And though there is no way that I'd be able to do this myself I have love of my life: my savior going alongside me.

I'm currently reading Jesus Freaks, a book about martyrs; a book about thousands of men, women and children giving their lives for the furtherance of the Gospel; a book about people that were burned at the stake, people who's fingernails got pulled off one by one, of people who's families were getting killed in front of their faces; a book where through all these circumstances these people prayed for their killers that they'd come to know Christ, and with their final breath glorified Jesus' name on high and praised Him for their sufferings.

I sit here today praying for just this; boldness to preach the Gospel with reverence and adoration; strength to endure whatever He puts before me; and when it comes time to choose Jesus or life I pray that with complete confidence that I will choose Jesus Christ.

"Sin loses its power over us when we lay our lives down for Christ--because our eyes are on Jesus."

dc Talk

Where you end I begin.

"Where you end Nikita, I begin."

This is what I've been hearing from God A LOT lately; and I've found it QUITE true.

This whole India situation has been BEYOND CRAZY! Pushing the limits of my faith; where my EVERYTHING needs to be centered on the basis that I TRUST the Lord; and I BELIEVE that this is His will for my life.

I've finally come the the realization which gets sums up in John 3:30 "HE MUST INCREASE, BUT I MUST DECREASE."

In times where I feel like I have NO IDEA what I'm going to do in the middle of India by myself, to times where I think that I can't bare the fact that I'll be LEAVING my friends again. Mostly the times where there's nothing of me that keeps me going. That's when God steps in and holds me tight; telling me THIS is the time where I NEED to push past what people are telling me, that I NEED to continue to put all my trust in Him, I NEED to walk with confidence that the Lord is in control and most importantly that He's STRONG ENOUGH to get me through ANY situation.

That still whisper is what I hear "Where you end Nikita, that is where I begin." It is now my prayer from this day forward; that where I end and where He begins has no definite line. That God's FLAWLESS qualities will be in my life everyday in every moment. That I will continue to decrease so that Christ may be glorified in my life. That my thoughts and His thoughts, my plans and His plans, and above all my actions and His actions are aligned.

May my life be lived for the GLORIFICATION of Christ!

Hope. Rest. Love

To everyone who's lost someone they love

Long before it was their time

You feel like the days you had were not enough

when you said goodbye

And to all of the people with burdens and pains

Keeping you back from your life

You believe that there's nothing and there is no one

Who can make it right

There is hope for the helpless

Rest for the weary

Love for the broken heart

There is grace and forgiveness

Mercy and healing

He'll meet you wherever you are

Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on

They lost all of their faith and love

They've done all they can to make it right again

Still it's not enough

For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains

You try to give up but you come back again

Just remember that you're not alone in your shame

And your suffering

When your lonely

And it feels like the whole world is falling on you

You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus

Cry to Jesus

To the widow who suffers from being alone

Wiping the tears from her eyes

For the children around the world without a home

Say a prayer tonight

Lyrics by: Third Day

I will instruct you and teach you.

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;

I will counsel you with my eye upon you.

Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding,

Which much be curbed with bit and bridle,

or it will not stay near you.

Many are the sorrows of the wicked,

but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the LORD.

Be glad in the LORD, and rejoice, O righteous,

and shout for joy, all you upright in heart.

Psalm 32:8-11

India is happening; I've just gotten the paperwork sorted out that I've been waiting for a month now.

There's no doubt in my mind that this entire process is God's leading; is God's teaching, is God's almighty plan. He's instructing me day by day; daily leading me closer and closer to India.

Today I sit here astounded by God's almighty power, in awe of the fact that He's worked every single situation out for this moment in my life. I sit here fascinated that though I know nothing of what lies ahead, I know without a doubt that it's God's perfect plan. I sit here mesmerized by His word and the relevance of it in my life. And sit here in complete confidence that God's hand is in my life; creating within me a servant heart willing to go where He leads me.

Though I don't know what this year is going to end up looking like. I know one thing is forsure. I am not going to be like that horse or mule without understanding. Because what I understand is that God is truth, God is holy, God is righteous, God is all knowing and all powerful, God is loving, God is sovereign, God is just, and God is wise. That's enough for me. For me to base my entire existance on Him, for me to follow Him to the end of this world and back.

My road to India.

God is a CRAZY guy!!

He knows the desires of my heart; and knows how badly I want to serve Him in India. He'll take me there when I'm ready. He'll get all the finances in when it's the perfect timing. He's preparing my heart right now; I know that. He's moving within me right now.

He's doing something. So while I'm here I'm committed to serving Him fully. And fulfilling His will in my life. I know that I have this time at home for a reason; at first it was quite discouraging being here still and it being August. But I know I'm not running off of my time; it's God's timing.

I've been pouring myself into Him daily; and I'm completely confident that I am where I am because He wants me here. It's hard, not going to lie. I want to be serving Him on the streets of India with children. But I have been called for this moment of time to the people of Abbotsford. So I got to trust Him, and He's being doing AMAZING things around me here. It's actually CRAZY!! He's opened my eyes to the mission field here and the need here.

I am first of all His servant. He is my master. So where He leads me I will follow.

The Lord is near to all who call on Him...

Psalm 145:18

Lord I trust your leading

I obey your comands

I hear your calling

I long for your voice

I see you here

I've never felt You so near

Guide my footsteps

That lead to salvation

Here we stand

Hand and Hand

Through highs and lows

I'll make it through

Because I have You

I hear you Lord

I feel you Lord

And this is how we'll stay.

May Your unfailing love be my comfort,
according to your promise to your servant.
Psalm 119:76

Breakaway

Grew up in a small town

And when the rain would fall down

I'd just stare out my window

Dreaming of what could be

And if I'd end up happy

I would pray

Trying hard to reach out

But when I tried to speak out

Felt like no one could hear me

Wanted to belong here

But something felt so wrong here

So I prayed I could break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly

I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky

And I'll make a wish

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun

But I won't forget all the ones that I love

I'll take a risk

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze

Sleep under a palm tree

Feel the rush of the ocean

Get onboard a fast train

Travel on a jet plane, far away

And breakaway

Buildings with a hundred floors

Swinging around revolving doors

Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but

Gotta keep moving on, moving on

Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings

And I'll learn how to fly

Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye

I gotta take a risk

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun

But I won't forget the place I come from

I gotta take a risk

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway