It was pouring rain.

It was pouring rain.
The rain splashed my face.
I felt it trickle down my back. 
It was pouring rain. 
As we walked out: 
My stomach was in knots. 
My heart so heavy; it was falling out of my chest. 
My head was fuzzy. 
My mind so full, I couldn't bear think another thought. 
But we were out there for a purpose. 
We had a mission. 
The mission was crumpled in my hands: 
The heaviness in my heart,
Written down hurriedly. 
Written as the thoughts came. 
The weight of my hurts
Laid exposed on that paper. 
Crumpled in my hands were my clouded thoughts. 
It was pouring rain. 
She held the lighter out. 
I was very skeptical. 
How was this going to make my thoughts go away? 
This wasn't an endeavour that was going to heal my heart. 
We lit the corner. 
I watched the flames consume the paper. 
I saw the words melt away. 
It was pouring rain. 
We re-lit the paper. 
It was in that moment that something clicked. 
I saw it. 
"It made me ugly."
The words ablaze. 
What power did they have over me? 
None. 
I wasn't ugly.
It was it who made my heart heavy. 
But it didn't make me ugly. 
I stood there. 
It was pouring rain. 
I looked up. 
Stared into the Heavens. 
Looked up at God and heard Him say: 
"It can't make you ugly, 
Nikita you are free." 
I stood in the pouring rain.
The rain splashed my face. 
I felt it trickle down my back. 
But it couldn't hurt me anymore. 
I was free. 
The pouring rain cleansed me. 
Those words burnt. 
& with them the legacy 
It had in that aspect of my life. 
It couldn't make me ugly anymore. 
Those hurts didn't make me ugly. 
They made me strong. 
It was today. 
In the pouring rain. 
That I realized this. 

My Miracle Day..

I awoke with a sensation in my body that I had lost all recollection of. I barely even remember having this feeling.
I feel alive.
Had I not been living?
What was this facade of a life I've been living?
Oh well, this morning I feel completely alive.
I have hope in my heart and my head feels free.
I am awake and the potential of the day gives me an incredible surge of energy.
The thoughts and feelings that haunt me consistently have vanished.
My minds capabilities now seem limitless.
My thoughts are clear and focused.
I got out of bed and hurried to get ready: not out of any obligation or expectation from others or myself; but simply so that I could start living.
As I got ready for the day, I gazed into the mirror and realized that the tired, vacant eyes that were for so long my defining quality vanished.
Alternatively all l I saw was pure determination and eagerness to keep going in them.
As I headed downstairs another incredible sensation in my body was realized: I was pain free.
The agony that had become an unwanted constant companion finally departed.
I was elated!
I jumped down the stairs with the widest grin on my face.
The chains of chronic pain had finally been released.
I was physically, emotionally and mentally clear.
I feel unstoppable and invincible.
I came downstairs and realized all that I had yet to notice.
Details left out: like what I had been looking at before had been blurred and it was if I finally put glasses on and could see everything more clearly.
I suddenly felt like I had Sherlock Homes' insight and intuition for all that was going on around me.
Again, I thought to myself, "how did I consider what I was doing yesterday living?"
It was if I had been blind and gained sighed for the first time.
Deaf and could now hear this incredible world around me.
Paralized and able to now move around freely.
Like I was mute but finally had a voice; and not only a voice, but one with the authority of a president.
My life was once again my life.
I was able to see beauty around me.
Feel compassion, love and empathy for others.
The unconditional love of the Father reigned in my heart and I was actually able to accept it.
Without fearing being present in my life my imagination ran wild. 
The dreams that I had for myself resurfaced. 
My passions ignited
& the fire in my soul was ablaze. 
Nothing today would be able to detour me. 
I thought once again of my hearts burden to the world. 
To help those who couldn't help themselves. 
I realized my drive and essential need to learn and gain more and more knowledge and understanding needed to be satisfied. 
I felt like me again. 
Someone who wanted to do new things, no matter the risk or danger. 
No matter the cost. 
No matter what anyone else would say. 
The me who craved adventure and would do anything necessary to accomplish that. 
To travel and gain new experiences. 
Dive into new cultures. 
Learn new languages and ask questions. 
The curiosity of why people live the way they do or why we have such diverse cultures. 
I wanted to live with the villagers once again. 
Be at the front of the line feeding the hungry and clothing the poor. 
Giving relief to those who needed it so bad. 
Hold the orphaned babies. 
Comfort those in hospices. 
Counsel and mentor other girls and people who's lives have been taken over my mental illness. 
I know what's different this morning. 
I have purpose. 
I had the realization that I have something to give to the world. 
I am needed. 
I could be an asset. 
I have the ability to make a difference.
I have the capability to change the world. 
This is the day that my life changed for the better. 
The day I realized that I am not what was done to me, I am what I choose to become.