Saturday, December 27, 2008
=(
What do you say when someone tells you that the absolute most important thing in your life is a complete waste of time??
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
I miss Team Brasil. <3
I miss Team Brasil a lot more than usual today...
It's hard not to feel as though I let them down; Hard to not feel like a failure.
They were more than a team to me;
they were my family.
people who I went to when I needed help.
there to pray with me when I needed someone.
always supportive through everything.
people who could make me pee my pants laughing
people who could take a joke.
they put others before themselves
very strong christians.
people I could confide in.
I could ask questions without feeing dumb.
do the most ridiculous things.
say what was on my mind.
they were the ones that I trusted with everything
They became a part of me, became the people I depended on. They're MUCH more than a team to me; my very close brothers and sisters in Christ.
I MISS THEM!!
It's hard not to feel as though I let them down; Hard to not feel like a failure.
They were more than a team to me;
they were my family.
people who I went to when I needed help.
there to pray with me when I needed someone.
always supportive through everything.
people who could make me pee my pants laughing
people who could take a joke.
they put others before themselves
very strong christians.
people I could confide in.
I could ask questions without feeing dumb.
do the most ridiculous things.
say what was on my mind.
they were the ones that I trusted with everything
They became a part of me, became the people I depended on. They're MUCH more than a team to me; my very close brothers and sisters in Christ.
I MISS THEM!!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
My God Dominates.
"LORD, to whom would we go? You alone have the words that give eternal life. We believe them, and we know you are the Holy One of God."
I was shocked by what my friend had asked me the other day. She had asked me.. "Nikita you've been through SO much this past year. Why didn't you turn your back on the God you serve? And how could a God so good allow something like that to happen to you?" It caught me SO off guard. I don't know why.. It was something that I've been thinking a lot about lately. The only answer that I was able to reply to her was, "Well.. I trust my God with my everything and He knows what's best for me. I don't exactly understand it, but I know without a doubt that He's in control of my life."
My friend isn't a Christian, and she still didn't understand. She said that it didn't make sense me continuing to follow my God even though He's put me through SO much. And she told me that it just seemed as though He'd abandoned me. Why hadn't I just chosen to follow something else, something more fulfilling. By that point my only reply was; I love God, and He loves me and He's with me always, and He'd NEVER leave or fore sake me.
This was a couple days ago. And I've just been thinking a lot about it. My response was SO weak. I should have been able to just drop down a sermon, or just be able to explain to her a little more about what was going through my head. My friend and I have these types of talks often, and she's really actually help me grow in my faith. I was both amazed and in awe of her observations. She had noticed the way that I had taken in the situation. She had noticed that I was going through something very hard. She'd noticed more than some of my Christian friends. She had noticed that I had chosen God.
That verse in John says it all. There wasn't anyone else who could have helped me through everything this year. There wasn't anyone who could have comforted me the way God did. There wasn't ANYONE that could of orchestrated such an intricate incredible plan that worked together for the furtherance of the gospel (Philippians 1:12).
Choosing God wasn't the hard part. Running to Him in times of trouble wasn't the hard part. Receiving His comfort and love wasn't the hard part. The hard part was seeing Him within the difficulty. But once I saw Him... It was incredible. Seeing God within the difficulty blew me away. I saw Him at work; I saw His helping hand within the entire situation, and mostly I saw just how much He loved me. He hadn't just left me there to fend for myself. He had come along side me and bore the biggest burdens onto His shoulders. He was right there fighting the battle, as a strong and noble warrior. The creator of the entire universe was there fighting along side me!! God didn't abandon me during my struggles, He was right there in full out battle on my behalf.
It's something I can't describe in full, but it's something I hold onto. Something that reminds me of how great that God is that I serve. He's willing to suffer with me, in fact He has suffered for me. And it continually astounds me every single day!
I was shocked by what my friend had asked me the other day. She had asked me.. "Nikita you've been through SO much this past year. Why didn't you turn your back on the God you serve? And how could a God so good allow something like that to happen to you?" It caught me SO off guard. I don't know why.. It was something that I've been thinking a lot about lately. The only answer that I was able to reply to her was, "Well.. I trust my God with my everything and He knows what's best for me. I don't exactly understand it, but I know without a doubt that He's in control of my life."
My friend isn't a Christian, and she still didn't understand. She said that it didn't make sense me continuing to follow my God even though He's put me through SO much. And she told me that it just seemed as though He'd abandoned me. Why hadn't I just chosen to follow something else, something more fulfilling. By that point my only reply was; I love God, and He loves me and He's with me always, and He'd NEVER leave or fore sake me.
This was a couple days ago. And I've just been thinking a lot about it. My response was SO weak. I should have been able to just drop down a sermon, or just be able to explain to her a little more about what was going through my head. My friend and I have these types of talks often, and she's really actually help me grow in my faith. I was both amazed and in awe of her observations. She had noticed the way that I had taken in the situation. She had noticed that I was going through something very hard. She'd noticed more than some of my Christian friends. She had noticed that I had chosen God.
That verse in John says it all. There wasn't anyone else who could have helped me through everything this year. There wasn't anyone who could have comforted me the way God did. There wasn't ANYONE that could of orchestrated such an intricate incredible plan that worked together for the furtherance of the gospel (Philippians 1:12).
Choosing God wasn't the hard part. Running to Him in times of trouble wasn't the hard part. Receiving His comfort and love wasn't the hard part. The hard part was seeing Him within the difficulty. But once I saw Him... It was incredible. Seeing God within the difficulty blew me away. I saw Him at work; I saw His helping hand within the entire situation, and mostly I saw just how much He loved me. He hadn't just left me there to fend for myself. He had come along side me and bore the biggest burdens onto His shoulders. He was right there fighting the battle, as a strong and noble warrior. The creator of the entire universe was there fighting along side me!! God didn't abandon me during my struggles, He was right there in full out battle on my behalf.
It's something I can't describe in full, but it's something I hold onto. Something that reminds me of how great that God is that I serve. He's willing to suffer with me, in fact He has suffered for me. And it continually astounds me every single day!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
My Loving Father.
Someone once told me a long time ago before I became a Christian that for some reason I've always had in the back of my mind. She told me that we can never truly understand the depth and depend on God with our everything until He shakes up our world. We wouldn't fully understand His love, His grace, His compassion, His comfort, and His mercy. We couldn’t understand that He's all-knowing, all-powerful and Omni-present. That we wouldn't understand that He's sovereign, righteous, holy, wise and truth.
It has been something that I’ve always thought about throughout my Christian walk. I forgot about it; and thought to myself.. Well I understand and know that God is all of those things, and He hasn’t shaken up my world. I guess she was wrong. I know how to depend on God with EVERYTHING in my life. I understand His love and compassion. God had comforted me when I had failed that test. Obviously He’s all-powerful; that’s what I’ve been taught. I know that He would love me no matter what I did... But my life was going pretty well, so why should I think any differently about these things. My God that I served was all good.
Then about a year ago, my world started to get shaken up. Everything as I had known it went out the window. That absolutely perfect God that I had been serving had just turned on me. And my life was no longer as I had planned it, and it was no longer perfect in my eyes. And that’s when the questions came, that’s when all I wanted was answers. “All I want is a reasonable answer—then I will keep quite. Tell me, what have I done wrong?” Job 6:24. So then I figured in order to answer my questions I would need to search for them. I studied by bible like crazy, I asked teachers questions, and I’d pay attention in church.
It was then that I realized what that ladie had told me all those years ago was true. God shook up my world. I NEEDED Him to survive, I LONGED for Him with my everything and I CRIED out to Him constantly. “I earnestly search for you; my whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water.” Psalm 63:1. In return God showered me with his GRACE like never before, He was COMPASSIONATE beyond all compare, He SPOKE to me more clearly than I thought possible, and He LOVED me throughout it all. I was forced to trust Him, it was my only option. In order to take the high road, I needed to TRUST Him with my everything- every last bit of it and He in return would take my burden upon Himself. “I heard an unknown voice that said, ‘Now I will relieve your shoulder of its burden; I will free your hands from their heavy tasks. You cried to me in trouble, and I saved you; I answered out of the thundercloud.” Psalm 81:6-7a.
I realized that the way that my life was going before I didn’t need to trust God. I thought that I had control of my life. I thought that I didn’t need God’s grace, His comfort and I didn’t need to think anything about God’s sovereignty. I was able to trust on my own strength to get through all my little problems. I realized that I wasn’t holding onto God with every last ounce of my being. But when I did something changed, He was now My loving Father that I ran to in times of trouble to seek refuge, He wasn’t just my Daddy that gave me things when I asked. "The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him." Nahum 1:7
What she told me was now a reality. My world was turned upside down. Life as I knew it was no longer, and it’s never going to be the same again. I now understand all those things, not only in my head but it’s all poured into my heart. I truly feel that not going to Brasil was part of that journey. It’s allowed me to grow in how much I trust God. I’ve entrusted God with my life... not just some of it, but the entire thing. And if it wasn’t His timing that I go to Brasil, then I trust Him.
It has been something that I’ve always thought about throughout my Christian walk. I forgot about it; and thought to myself.. Well I understand and know that God is all of those things, and He hasn’t shaken up my world. I guess she was wrong. I know how to depend on God with EVERYTHING in my life. I understand His love and compassion. God had comforted me when I had failed that test. Obviously He’s all-powerful; that’s what I’ve been taught. I know that He would love me no matter what I did... But my life was going pretty well, so why should I think any differently about these things. My God that I served was all good.
Then about a year ago, my world started to get shaken up. Everything as I had known it went out the window. That absolutely perfect God that I had been serving had just turned on me. And my life was no longer as I had planned it, and it was no longer perfect in my eyes. And that’s when the questions came, that’s when all I wanted was answers. “All I want is a reasonable answer—then I will keep quite. Tell me, what have I done wrong?” Job 6:24. So then I figured in order to answer my questions I would need to search for them. I studied by bible like crazy, I asked teachers questions, and I’d pay attention in church.
It was then that I realized what that ladie had told me all those years ago was true. God shook up my world. I NEEDED Him to survive, I LONGED for Him with my everything and I CRIED out to Him constantly. “I earnestly search for you; my whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water.” Psalm 63:1. In return God showered me with his GRACE like never before, He was COMPASSIONATE beyond all compare, He SPOKE to me more clearly than I thought possible, and He LOVED me throughout it all. I was forced to trust Him, it was my only option. In order to take the high road, I needed to TRUST Him with my everything- every last bit of it and He in return would take my burden upon Himself. “I heard an unknown voice that said, ‘Now I will relieve your shoulder of its burden; I will free your hands from their heavy tasks. You cried to me in trouble, and I saved you; I answered out of the thundercloud.” Psalm 81:6-7a.
I realized that the way that my life was going before I didn’t need to trust God. I thought that I had control of my life. I thought that I didn’t need God’s grace, His comfort and I didn’t need to think anything about God’s sovereignty. I was able to trust on my own strength to get through all my little problems. I realized that I wasn’t holding onto God with every last ounce of my being. But when I did something changed, He was now My loving Father that I ran to in times of trouble to seek refuge, He wasn’t just my Daddy that gave me things when I asked. "The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him." Nahum 1:7
What she told me was now a reality. My world was turned upside down. Life as I knew it was no longer, and it’s never going to be the same again. I now understand all those things, not only in my head but it’s all poured into my heart. I truly feel that not going to Brasil was part of that journey. It’s allowed me to grow in how much I trust God. I’ve entrusted God with my life... not just some of it, but the entire thing. And if it wasn’t His timing that I go to Brasil, then I trust Him.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
The Plan.
"God's secret plan has now been revealed to us; it is a plan centered on Christ, designed long ago according to His good pleasure. And this is His plan: At the right time He will bring everything together under the authority of Christ-- everything in heaven and on earth. Furthermore, because of Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for He chose us from the beginning, and all things happen just as He decided long ago. God's purpose was that we who were the first to trust in Christ should praise our glorious God."
Ephesians 1:9-12
God promised long ago that He's going to bring everything together. EVERYTHING. That means me not going to Brasil, my best friend passing away, family not being Christians, and everything else that seems HOW THE HECK is that from God? But everything is going to come together. I think that I've already started to catch a very, very small glimpse of it all. I know that I wouldn't be the person that I am today without every little thing that has happened in my life.
I realize that I wouldn't be able to trust God the way I do now.
I wouldn't have had to depend on Him like I do now.
I wouldn't be as strong as I am now.
I wouldn't have the faith that God changes.
I wouldn't understand that bad things work for the glory of God.
God's plan is better than anything I could EVER imagine. It was planned out a long time ago. And every little thing that has happened was planned. It didn't just happen by accident, and this was what God planned in His orginal plan. He didn't decided that I could no longer handle things and change His mind. God's purpose in my life was that I should praise Him. So that's what I'm going to do.
He loves me more than I can imagine. So I know, and trust with all my heart that something good is going to come out of this. It has to; because I serve a God that is only good.
Ephesians 1:9-12
God promised long ago that He's going to bring everything together. EVERYTHING. That means me not going to Brasil, my best friend passing away, family not being Christians, and everything else that seems HOW THE HECK is that from God? But everything is going to come together. I think that I've already started to catch a very, very small glimpse of it all. I know that I wouldn't be the person that I am today without every little thing that has happened in my life.
I realize that I wouldn't be able to trust God the way I do now.
I wouldn't have had to depend on Him like I do now.
I wouldn't be as strong as I am now.
I wouldn't have the faith that God changes.
I wouldn't understand that bad things work for the glory of God.
God's plan is better than anything I could EVER imagine. It was planned out a long time ago. And every little thing that has happened was planned. It didn't just happen by accident, and this was what God planned in His orginal plan. He didn't decided that I could no longer handle things and change His mind. God's purpose in my life was that I should praise Him. So that's what I'm going to do.
He loves me more than I can imagine. So I know, and trust with all my heart that something good is going to come out of this. It has to; because I serve a God that is only good.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
God's plan.
I see God.
I see God in this whole situation.
He's right here holding my hand, holding me tight.
He's going to get me through the pain
through the confusion
through the hurt
through that feeling of failure.
He's NEVER going to let me go.
Never turn His back on me
Never give me something I can't handle
Never let me go unloved
I will never blame God
Never turn away
Never try to understand why
Never fall away from my Savior
If God really wanted for me to be in Brasil, He would have brought me there. I have no doubt about that in my mind. As I am constantly reminded this isn't Plan B. This has been God's plan the whole time.
So today I am choosing God; not understanding. Because I know that if I choose understanding I won't always choose God.
The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
His mercies never cease.
Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;
I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;
therefore, I will hope in him!”
The Lord is good to those who depend on him,
to those who search for him.
So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord.
And it is good for people to submit at an early age
to the yoke of his discipline:
Let them sit alone in silence
to the yoke of his discipline:
Let them sit alone in silence
beneath the Lord’s demands
Let them lie face down in the dust,
for there may be hope at last.
for there may be hope at last.
Let them turn the other cheek to those who strike them
and accept the insults of their enemies.
For no one is abandoned
and accept the insults of their enemies.
For no one is abandoned
by the Lord forever.
Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion
because of the greatness of his unfailing love.
For he does not enjoy hurting people
Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion
because of the greatness of his unfailing love.
For he does not enjoy hurting people
or causing them sorrow.
Lamentations 3:22-33
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)