My Loving Father.

Someone once told me a long time ago before I became a Christian that for some reason I've always had in the back of my mind. She told me that we can never truly understand the depth and depend on God with our everything until He shakes up our world. We wouldn't fully understand His love, His grace, His compassion, His comfort, and His mercy. We couldn’t understand that He's all-knowing, all-powerful and Omni-present. That we wouldn't understand that He's sovereign, righteous, holy, wise and truth.

It has been something that I’ve always thought about throughout my Christian walk. I forgot about it; and thought to myself.. Well I understand and know that God is all of those things, and He hasn’t shaken up my world. I guess she was wrong. I know how to depend on God with EVERYTHING in my life. I understand His love and compassion. God had comforted me when I had failed that test. Obviously He’s all-powerful; that’s what I’ve been taught. I know that He would love me no matter what I did... But my life was going pretty well, so why should I think any differently about these things. My God that I served was all good.

Then about a year ago, my world started to get shaken up. Everything as I had known it went out the window. That absolutely perfect God that I had been serving had just turned on me. And my life was no longer as I had planned it, and it was no longer perfect in my eyes. And that’s when the questions came, that’s when all I wanted was answers. “All I want is a reasonable answer—then I will keep quite. Tell me, what have I done wrong?” Job 6:24. So then I figured in order to answer my questions I would need to search for them. I studied by bible like crazy, I asked teachers questions, and I’d pay attention in church.

It was then that I realized what that ladie had told me all those years ago was true. God shook up my world. I NEEDED Him to survive, I LONGED for Him with my everything and I CRIED out to Him constantly. “I earnestly search for you; my whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water.” Psalm 63:1. In return God showered me with his GRACE like never before, He was COMPASSIONATE beyond all compare, He SPOKE to me more clearly than I thought possible, and He LOVED me throughout it all. I was forced to trust Him, it was my only option. In order to take the high road, I needed to TRUST Him with my everything- every last bit of it and He in return would take my burden upon Himself. “I heard an unknown voice that said, ‘Now I will relieve your shoulder of its burden; I will free your hands from their heavy tasks. You cried to me in trouble, and I saved you; I answered out of the thundercloud.” Psalm 81:6-7a.

I realized that the way that my life was going before I didn’t need to trust God. I thought that I had control of my life. I thought that I didn’t need God’s grace, His comfort and I didn’t need to think anything about God’s sovereignty. I was able to trust on my own strength to get through all my little problems. I realized that I wasn’t holding onto God with every last ounce of my being. But when I did something changed, He was now My loving Father that I ran to in times of trouble to seek refuge, He wasn’t just my Daddy that gave me things when I asked. "The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him." Nahum 1:7

What she told me was now a reality. My world was turned upside down. Life as I knew it was no longer, and it’s never going to be the same again. I now understand all those things, not only in my head but it’s all poured into my heart. I truly feel that not going to Brasil was part of that journey. It’s allowed me to grow in how much I trust God. I’ve entrusted God with my life... not just some of it, but the entire thing. And if it wasn’t His timing that I go to Brasil, then I trust Him.