Lord, my heart aches. My soul thirsts for You and my body cries out with the little strength it has left and says, 'please God come down to where I am." I don't even know where to begin. I truly have never felt so lost before, so hidden from Your presence and withdrawn from Your love. I strive to feel You in those moments, but instead get lost in the touch of the world. I can't hear Your whispers of reassurance and love, but only the shouts of negativity tearing me down. I cannot feel You near me or even close enough to comfort me, but only feel the cushion of affection and flattery filling my emptiness.
Lord I come to You to search for relief in Your presence. I am praying for Your warmth to fill me from the inside out. I am not sure where I am anymore Lord, not sure of where I stand or what I am doing with my life. In this confusion I have turned away from You and ran as fast as I could into the arms of the world.
Lord, You know how desperately I need You in my life in this moment. Take a hold of me and promise me You'll never let me go. My heart aches. It knows You're there. It feels the love You have given me before. It remembers the way You've held it before and it is reminded of the gentleness of Your touch. The tender way You have come to me again and again without fail to comfort me in my affliction. It is reminded of how You've come and carried me when I am weak and how You've been my strength when I have had nothing left.
Though nothing I have done these past months have made me feel close to You. I am here before You now in realization that I am still Your daughter and am aware that, that means something. I am here asking You to help me. I want to come to You first. I want to, want more of You instead of running even further away. I am here now today asking to You to help me live above my circumstances. I am telling You that I choose You over this world, Lord, You are my one and only choice. I lay here shouting for Your presence to fill my life, I don't know how to set the fire again, or raise the passion that I know lies within my being. But I know that You've just been standing there, pleading, begging and patiently waiting for this moment where I simply ask for You to take the reins of my life once again.
I bring to You my heartache, shame, embarrassment, agony, struggles, guilt, confusion, anger, and the many other things I carry with me. I lay them before you and bare all my soul before You. I ask Lord for an open heart. I don't want to live another second without You, or in a life that does not glorify You in every single way.
But I realize how much of Your help I need. I need Your support as well as those around me Lord. I honestly just want so much of You. I need You to overwhelm me with Your presence so that I know that I can make it up the hill that is set before me. Remind me that I can do this over and over again and then a couple more times after that.
Lord tell me how You see me. Tell me how beautiful You think I am. Remind my heart how precious I am to you. Sing over me the love song You have written for me. Whisper the plans You have for me. Tell me that I am Yours forever and always, yes Lord, tell me I am Yours and remind me that, that is all that matters.
