God Why Do You Want Me to Live?

First of all my daughter clear all preconceptions and all of the fog and haze that you have allowed to fill your mind up with. Refresh and open your mind to allow My Spirit to fill it. I long to give you a whole new outlook on your life. The scope that you view your life is but a gain of sand in the vast ocean in the grand scheme of your life.

My love, climb up into My arms and rest your chin on My shoulders. Now open your eyes! See the thousands that stand in front of us? Each one of them are standing here because you said yes to living. That moment that you said 'I trust You and that is enough.' That was the instant you became the women I destined you to be.

You fought valiantly and I know the days got harder and longer. But you continued to declare that I was enough and kept trekking on. You climbed over unclimbable mountains, you swam distances that people still stand astonished.

Nikita, my darling, I cannot even begin to express the love I have for you. My love, My words and My desires for you are immeasurable. The first word that comes to Me when I think of you My dear is strength. You have been strong enough to face all that your journey has entailed. I have set fourth before you a course that I have dare trusted to only a few. A course which will require every single bit of strength and knowledge you have within you Nikita.

You were created from birth to be a warrior. That is why I need you to live. Nikita I have called you into the darkest of places so that through you My life will radiate to those who were so entrenched in darkness. I need you My daughter, because I have placed within you the determination, passion and confidence to move entire nations.

The kindness, empathy, and compassion that flow out of you is the direct flow from me. When you love people, you love them unabandoned; exactly if I were on earth how I'd love My children. That is why I need you to keep living Nikita.

I already see the thousands that you will love into My Kingdom. I urge you to see past your present circumstances: because the future I see and have for you; here in Heaven, the angels and I are already rejoicing in gladness of the fruit your life brings.

Nikita my heart aches along with you right now. I understand the depth and loneliness of your pain. Simply look up and see My hand reaching down to you. You cannot end your life Nikita. Even in your current state the atmosphere changes when you walk into a room because the love you have for Me is so deep.

Please My baby girl fight, I can fill up thousands of pages of my love and plans I have for you. Trust me, take my hand and let's walk this life together; through every high and low.

Together we've got this.

My Body, My Story.

She walked up to me. The outward appearance of a seemingly warm smile greeted me. But I saw her critical eyes  that looked me up and down.

Immediately I felt self-conscious. She knew it. She could tell I was sick. Who was I kidding? Every person in that room could tell I was sick.

I heard the judgement in her voice; a sly comment about my weight followed by a 'deep concern' in my wellbeing. The words stabbed my heart. My worst fears realized. These concerns that I had, they weren't simply my mind working on overdrive as it has been before; it was a reality.

I pulled my sleeves down even lower. Pulled my sweater around my waist tighter. Inched further back from the crowd. Lowered my head worried that people would be able to read into my deepest darkest thoughts simply by looking into my eyes.

My body does tell a story. It tells the story of my years of pain. It's an outward expression of my years of internal turmoil. It bares scars of what I have done and what has been done to me. It shows the pain that life has brought me. It shows my brokenness.

My body is a story book. It's a story that is exposed for the whole world to read and judge.

I worry about her.
She shouldn't shake like that.
Did you see her arm?
She used to be happier.
She's too thin.
Do you think she's okay?
She looks scared.

My body reveals a different story.

One that many people don't see at first glance.

My body shows victory. My body shows my resilience. Pain can be seen, but life is still abundant within it. Though I may be scared, the scars are healed and I prove that I was stronger than whatever tried to bring me down. It show's that though I was broken, I didn't fall completely apart.

So today I stand up confidently.

This is who I am.

Take it or leave it.