I have had a FABULOUS past two days. As I desire to be transformed by our LOVING Father I dedicated two days completely to Him. Putting aside EVERYTHING and focusing in on HIM without any distractions.
It was AMAZING and I don't know why I don't this more often. God met me exactly where I was... I mean it wasn't that much of a sacrifice: spending the days with my BEST FRIEND, my Father, my EVERYTHING.
I came out feeling convicted to an extent. Why don't I just do this every day? Why can't I pray and take captive every thought EVERYDAY? Why do I wait for special days to commit to God?
I meditated on the word ADORED. And it was AMAZING. I struggle with the fact that God will love me no matter what I am going through. I struggle with the fact that I am not adequate .I struggle with the fact that I am nobody, and who am I that I should be adored? Maybe I didn't get the answers, but I've never felt that LOVED in a LONG time. I didn't feel like I needed to pretend to be someone that I'm not. I didn't need to come with conviction because I am COVERED by grace. I didn’t need to pray something that I pretended was on my heart. I came as me. I came to Him as Nikita Caitlin Lalli: a twenty year old girl with a TON of baggage, some pretty CRAZY ideas, and HUGE unthinkable dreams. And that was the most FREEING feeling.
I've struggled a lot with freedom issues. If you asked me any time throughout these past years what I wanted most from God I'd tell you freedom. Freedom to live out my life unashamed, freedom from fear and freedom to be who I truly am.
It took me two days of trying to get to this place. It took two days just enjoying His presence instead of trying to impress Him with my strength and with my own abilities. I have realized how I have put on a front for the world and for God. I've felt as though I needed to prove to Him that I'm strong enough and that all these trials I have been going through they haven't affected me. I wanted to believe I was strong. But I’m not. I’m weak; I am but dust in His eyes. I have realized how He hasn’t placed these burdens on my back to cause me to stumble but to get me on my knees.
And that is where I was left once again. In God’s favourite position; on my knees with a humbled heart.
Fill Me Up God, Fill Me Up God, Fill Me Up God!
LOVE OF GOD OVERFLOW, PERMEATE ALL MY SOUL.
3 comments:
Amen and Amen and Amen and AMEN! I am SO proud of you! Your life and your faith continues to inspire and encourage me daily. You are a precious wonderful gift to all of us who know you. Keep being YOU and let God be God. I ADORE YOU!
Here is what I want to say...you ARE strong...in HIM. You are all of those things that you long to be, IN HIM. I see those things in you, IN HIM. As you let Him take more control then that FREEDOM will come. Isn't it funny how that works?
I also wanted to say this, I ADORE you too. I adore the girl I once knew back in grade 10 that I had to force to eat regular food at a restaurant in France. I adore that girl with the green flowery suitcase that bought a crazy necklace at H & M and forced me to wear it. I adore that girl that sat huddled on the couch in my room in fear. I adore that girl that was brave enough to go to INDIA by HERSELF because God wanted her there. I adore that girl that made it through a crazy, insane car crash that should have taken her life. I adore that girl that is weak enough and strong enough to admit that she needs God...NOW and BIG TIME. I simply adore you. God is working in you and through you and He is just so proud of you and the steps that you are taking. YOU are such a wonderful, crazy, amazing part of my life and every single time I look at your picture on my desk at school I smile because it's YOU. This amazing you that God created exactly as He wants you to be, now go and be it!
LOVE YOU!
Nikita,
It was so good chatting with you the other day. I loved your definition of patience (but have already forgotten the exact words. Ugh! Could you post it?). It has caused me to think about how much the Holy Spirit is working in you – it is obvious. “Patience is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance/anger in a negative way; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties. Patience is the level of endurance one's character can take before negativity. It is also used to refer to the character trait of being steadfast.” A few years ago, I would not have given you credit for being a patient person, but now, that is a different story! The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and temperance. You are exhibiting the spirit of God working in your life – a great example and source of encouragement for us all.
Praying for your complete physical healing so you can run and dance again soon! Love you!
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