Jesus Freaks

Sometimes I feel as though God should have chosen someone else; that I'm not strong enough to endure through the things that He's called me to do. That somehow He's made a mistake and I can't possibly be called to the middle of India. Sometimes I feel that it's just all too overwhelming and I have a great life here. Sometimes I think that there must be someone better suited to go into the depths of India to preach the Gospel.

"For He knows how weak we are; He remembers we are only dust." Psalm 103:14 I am reminded that it's true: I am not worthy, I am not fit for the task He's put ahead of me, and mostly I have been gifted with a gift which I do not deserve. But still God has chosen me; worth only as a spec of dust in His eyes, yet He's chosen me. He's chosen to work through me, to strengthen me, to give me a worth, to give me boldness in His name, and most importantly He's done what cost Him His son for me; He's given me eternity.

I'm leaving to India in two days. These thoughts ring in my mind over and over again. I've been truly blessed. God's given me a purpose and a desire to follow Him. He will be the one strengthening me and encouraging me in India. His mighty works will be displayed throughout India and I have the privilege of going along the ride with Him. And though there is no way that I'd be able to do this myself I have love of my life: my savior going alongside me.

I'm currently reading Jesus Freaks, a book about martyrs; a book about thousands of men, women and children giving their lives for the furtherance of the Gospel; a book about people that were burned at the stake, people who's fingernails got pulled off one by one, of people who's families were getting killed in front of their faces; a book where through all these circumstances these people prayed for their killers that they'd come to know Christ, and with their final breath glorified Jesus' name on high and praised Him for their sufferings.

I sit here today praying for just this; boldness to preach the Gospel with reverence and adoration; strength to endure whatever He puts before me; and when it comes time to choose Jesus or life I pray that with complete confidence that I will choose Jesus Christ.

"Sin loses its power over us when we lay our lives down for Christ--because our eyes are on Jesus."

dc Talk

Where you end I begin.

"Where you end Nikita, I begin."

This is what I've been hearing from God A LOT lately; and I've found it QUITE true.

This whole India situation has been BEYOND CRAZY! Pushing the limits of my faith; where my EVERYTHING needs to be centered on the basis that I TRUST the Lord; and I BELIEVE that this is His will for my life.

I've finally come the the realization which gets sums up in John 3:30 "HE MUST INCREASE, BUT I MUST DECREASE."

In times where I feel like I have NO IDEA what I'm going to do in the middle of India by myself, to times where I think that I can't bare the fact that I'll be LEAVING my friends again. Mostly the times where there's nothing of me that keeps me going. That's when God steps in and holds me tight; telling me THIS is the time where I NEED to push past what people are telling me, that I NEED to continue to put all my trust in Him, I NEED to walk with confidence that the Lord is in control and most importantly that He's STRONG ENOUGH to get me through ANY situation.

That still whisper is what I hear "Where you end Nikita, that is where I begin." It is now my prayer from this day forward; that where I end and where He begins has no definite line. That God's FLAWLESS qualities will be in my life everyday in every moment. That I will continue to decrease so that Christ may be glorified in my life. That my thoughts and His thoughts, my plans and His plans, and above all my actions and His actions are aligned.

May my life be lived for the GLORIFICATION of Christ!

Hope. Rest. Love

To everyone who's lost someone they love

Long before it was their time

You feel like the days you had were not enough

when you said goodbye

And to all of the people with burdens and pains

Keeping you back from your life

You believe that there's nothing and there is no one

Who can make it right

There is hope for the helpless

Rest for the weary

Love for the broken heart

There is grace and forgiveness

Mercy and healing

He'll meet you wherever you are

Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on

They lost all of their faith and love

They've done all they can to make it right again

Still it's not enough

For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains

You try to give up but you come back again

Just remember that you're not alone in your shame

And your suffering

When your lonely

And it feels like the whole world is falling on you

You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus

Cry to Jesus

To the widow who suffers from being alone

Wiping the tears from her eyes

For the children around the world without a home

Say a prayer tonight

Lyrics by: Third Day

I will instruct you and teach you.

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;

I will counsel you with my eye upon you.

Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding,

Which much be curbed with bit and bridle,

or it will not stay near you.

Many are the sorrows of the wicked,

but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the LORD.

Be glad in the LORD, and rejoice, O righteous,

and shout for joy, all you upright in heart.

Psalm 32:8-11

India is happening; I've just gotten the paperwork sorted out that I've been waiting for a month now.

There's no doubt in my mind that this entire process is God's leading; is God's teaching, is God's almighty plan. He's instructing me day by day; daily leading me closer and closer to India.

Today I sit here astounded by God's almighty power, in awe of the fact that He's worked every single situation out for this moment in my life. I sit here fascinated that though I know nothing of what lies ahead, I know without a doubt that it's God's perfect plan. I sit here mesmerized by His word and the relevance of it in my life. And sit here in complete confidence that God's hand is in my life; creating within me a servant heart willing to go where He leads me.

Though I don't know what this year is going to end up looking like. I know one thing is forsure. I am not going to be like that horse or mule without understanding. Because what I understand is that God is truth, God is holy, God is righteous, God is all knowing and all powerful, God is loving, God is sovereign, God is just, and God is wise. That's enough for me. For me to base my entire existance on Him, for me to follow Him to the end of this world and back.

My road to India.

God is a CRAZY guy!!

He knows the desires of my heart; and knows how badly I want to serve Him in India. He'll take me there when I'm ready. He'll get all the finances in when it's the perfect timing. He's preparing my heart right now; I know that. He's moving within me right now.

He's doing something. So while I'm here I'm committed to serving Him fully. And fulfilling His will in my life. I know that I have this time at home for a reason; at first it was quite discouraging being here still and it being August. But I know I'm not running off of my time; it's God's timing.

I've been pouring myself into Him daily; and I'm completely confident that I am where I am because He wants me here. It's hard, not going to lie. I want to be serving Him on the streets of India with children. But I have been called for this moment of time to the people of Abbotsford. So I got to trust Him, and He's being doing AMAZING things around me here. It's actually CRAZY!! He's opened my eyes to the mission field here and the need here.

I am first of all His servant. He is my master. So where He leads me I will follow.

The Lord is near to all who call on Him...

Psalm 145:18

Lord I trust your leading

I obey your comands

I hear your calling

I long for your voice

I see you here

I've never felt You so near

Guide my footsteps

That lead to salvation

Here we stand

Hand and Hand

Through highs and lows

I'll make it through

Because I have You

I hear you Lord

I feel you Lord

And this is how we'll stay.

May Your unfailing love be my comfort,
according to your promise to your servant.
Psalm 119:76

Breakaway

Grew up in a small town

And when the rain would fall down

I'd just stare out my window

Dreaming of what could be

And if I'd end up happy

I would pray

Trying hard to reach out

But when I tried to speak out

Felt like no one could hear me

Wanted to belong here

But something felt so wrong here

So I prayed I could break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly

I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky

And I'll make a wish

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun

But I won't forget all the ones that I love

I'll take a risk

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze

Sleep under a palm tree

Feel the rush of the ocean

Get onboard a fast train

Travel on a jet plane, far away

And breakaway

Buildings with a hundred floors

Swinging around revolving doors

Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but

Gotta keep moving on, moving on

Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings

And I'll learn how to fly

Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye

I gotta take a risk

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun

But I won't forget the place I come from

I gotta take a risk

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway