Fight The Good Fight.

And this is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way.
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I’ll stand.

These past weeks have been hard. It's been a struggle within me: a battle between my head and the rest of my body. My mind has not comprehended or given into what my soul knows is right. It's been an ongoing battle...

Even as I write this I am brought to tears. I'm STRIVING for more of God, but I hold back. I confess with my mouth and heart that I want all of God, but I withdraw when He asks me to give all of myself back to Him. But the desire is there. The unrest within me has taken over.

You won't relent
until you have it all...
my heart is yours.

God is not allowing me to be satisfied with only half of Him. My spirit isn't resting because I know that there is TRUTH out there I still am not grasping. My heart is still overloaded because I do not comprehend the fullness of God. Everything inside me has been stirred to no longer be quenched with what I have been alright with before.

These struggles within me have exhausted me. COMPLETELY drained me. I've worn out EVERYTHING that I have. There is absolutely NOTHING left of me.

I've realized that what I've done during my time in YWAM... things that were confirmed in my heart, struggles that I had held onto that I was released from and freedoms that were gained in my life , STILL need to be DECLARED today, they still NEED to be CLAIMED TODAY!

He empties me because He is ABLE to fill me once again, but I haven’t allowed Him into to do that. It’s been a DAILY battle, a continuous conscious choice to choose LIGHT! I know I lose sight of the goal and after falling flat on my face again and again, the desire is gone to face the reality that it is happening for a purpose and get back up. It’s easier for me to stay down.

But I hear God calling out to me, saying I WILL REFRESH you. I see Him stretching His arms out and crying I will REPLENISH your spirit. I recognize He longs to RENEW within me the passion to be content in Him alone.

So, I come to the Lord tonight defeated wanting to be victorious. I come to the Lord tonight humbled to a place where I can honestly ask to be filled ONLY by Him. Tonight I am able to grasp that I’ve been suitably equipped for the battle that is ahead and I will be given ENOUGH for the day.

It’s the start of something wonderful. It’s the start of something deeper. It’s the start of something extraordinary.

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rules, nor things present or things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 8:37-40