Confusion.

Romans 11:33-36
Oh, how great are God’s riches and wisdom and knowledge! How impossible it is for us to understand his decisions and his ways! For who can know the Lord’s thoughts? Who knows enough to give him advice?And who has given him so much that he needs to pay it back? For EVERYTHING comes from him and exists by his power and is intended for his glory. All glory to him forever! Amen.

Today I was reading Romans 11 & 12. And spent a lot of time reflecting on what's been going on this year. I think of all the loss, all the gain, all the good times, all those heartaches, all those times where I wondered where God was, all those times when God was SO close, all those tears I cried, all those laughs. I remembered how there was great loss this year. There isn't a day that goes by when I don't think about Chelsea or Kyle and the others <3.>

What hit me hard in Romans was the last verse. "For EVERYTHING comes from Him and exisits by his power." It's hard to believe that; especially this year. All of the heartache, the loss, the tears, the pain, the troubles I've dealt with and those times of complete sadness. How can a God that loves me completely still allow that to happen? How could those who were the closest to be not be here anymore? How could God in all this power allow that to come?

And then the second part of that verse "...and is intended for his glory. All glory to him forever! Amen." I don't see how in any way that everything going on this year would be intended for his glory. I love this verse. And I love the meaning behind it. But applying it to my life it doesn't seem as though anything that happend. The lost of two of my best friends, seven friends, and add to that everything else that's been going on. How is that intended for His glory? Doesn't make sense to me. Sorry I am a downer today. I've overly tired.