Venting.

I don't know how I'm feeling...

How about we start there?

I just want to scream, cry... just shout out my struggles, my pains, my hurts, my heartaches, my questions, my deepest desires, my thoughts, my anxieties, my innermost secrets, my grief, my burdens, my joys, my anger and just everything that I've held onto for so long.

My insides are bursting out with everything that I haven't been able to verbalize. With all of these jumbled up, and cramped up emotions. My head has been swirling for far too long.

I don't even know where I stand right now.

There are moments where I feel like I'm standing hand in hand with God completely in sync with Him and there are moments where I feel like I'm in the deepest parts of the ocean, the thickest parts of the forest so far away, just left alone to deal with the weight of the world that rests upon my shoulders.

I go through extremes way to fast. From being completely content to completely overwhelmed.

I have decisions to make, but I can't even decide how I am feeling right now. I have big things to accomplish, but I can't even accomplish simple tasks because I'm so overwhelmed with life. Life is happening all around me, but I feel like I'm stuck, stuck in this point of middle ground. Ready to move, but unsure of where to even begin.

I don't know where to begin. With so much going on in my life, I don't know where to start. I try to pray, and get overwhelmed by God. I try to do my devotionals and I get overwhelmed by His ability to pierce my heart. I try to attempt to explain my struggles with a friend but I get overwhelmed with not being able to explain this huge burden I am carrying with me.

I just need someone to understand.

Maybe I just need to grasp the understanding of God.

I need to embrace Jesus.

But I don't know how...

I'm stuck in this place between, and I don't know how to get out. I know that how I've been living isn't enough, it's not what God's called me to do. I've got more potential than this.

But I'm stuck.

I need the love and grace of God to wash over me.

"But let him to boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the Lord." Jeremiah 9:24

I need someone to care.

I need someone to tell me that I can get through this.

I need help getting out of this middle ground.

I need to feel wanted.

I need to be embraced.

I need encouragement.

I need to be loved unconditionally.

I need to feel adored.

I know God won't relent until He has it all. So I continue on this journey. On yet another tough path but through all this confusion still knowing that He is Lord.

Jesus is my everything.