Pain.

It's been one of those weeks...

I have felt really drained lately... Just feeling sick of being tired and just plain tired of feeling sore. I thought that I would have been healed by now, but I'm not. I thought that my headaches would have lessened, but lately they seem worse. I thought that I could pretend that everything was alright, but it's not. I lately have lost the drive to get up and keep fighting every day. It seems as though the harder I try not to let this affect me the more it really has. I quickly lose sight of the miracle that happened that day. The fight that I've been fighting seems more and more un-winnable.

My pain isn't on the outside in the form of scars, bandages or broken limbs. I've quickly realized that also my strength isn't on the outside in the form of muscles, knowledge or abilities. As I pour all my energy into pretending I am alright, I realize that my energy needs to be focused on the One who really matters: God.

I’m running to your arms, I’m running to your arms.
The riches of your love will always be enough.
Nothing compares to your embrace.
Light of the world forever reign.

Into His arms once again I race. I am reminded that His grace is sufficient for me and that His power is made perfect in my weakness. Though I am not particularly comfortable at the moment, I am still confident in His flawless plan and though I go through pain daily, I know I am LOVED beyond compare. And that is where I find my comfort.

“Through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the Glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character and character produces hope and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit ho has been given to us.”
Romans 5:2-5

I need to remember that I am adored by Him. I need to be reminded that I am cherished by Him. I need to keep in mind that I have been chosen by Him. I need to recognize that I am the apple of His eye. I need to understand that I am a daughter of light. I need to acknowledge that I am of VALUE to Him.

Unconditional Love

You are my shelter when strength is gone

You are my refuge when pain holds on

And my soul finds strength in You oh God.

I have been able to comprehend more and more every day that God is indeed my refuge, He without a doubt is my shelter and in Him alone my soul is satisfied.

As I relinquish my rights and continue on this daily process of dying to myself, I have renewed confidence that once something is brought to the foot of the Cross, it is no longer my burden, and it rests completely in the hands of our loving father. I am encouraged by His example that we indeed are able to overcome the sufferings of this world and we WILL be given the strength to do so in His name.

A communist officer told a Christian he was beating, "I am almighty, as you claim your God to be. I can kill you." The Christian answered, "The power is all on my side. I can love you while you torture me to death."

These are the examples that go before us. The example of Christ Himself... taking the weight of our sins upon Himself. The example of a fellow believer who completely understood what the love of Christ is. And also the example of countless others who truly lived their lives in submission to Christ, who completely understood the meaning of loving others the way we ourselves have been loved.

I am challenged this evening to do the same. First of all, to actually allow His love to surround me, become me and overflow within me. And secondly that I'd be able to pour that love back out to others: no matter who, no matter what the situation.

This is my prayer tonight, to become like Jesus, and do as He did. My prayer is that I will truly understand the meaning of unconditional love.

Simply do it.

"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7

I realize how I've lived my life in differently in different situations. It's easy for me to live out a life of love to my friends, it's easy for me to have a servant heart when I am overseas. When I am overseas it is effortless for me to understand what it means to pray without ceasing. It is clear for me to grasp that I need to ask God constantly throughout the day who He wants me to talk to and what exactly He wants me to do.

I didn't do things because I wanted recognition. I did them simply because God wanted me to. I didn't care if people noticed that I had just done the dishes for three hours by myself, I knew that God had called me there to be a servant and it was treasures in Heaven that I was working towards. It was pretty straightforward that when God said do something I did it for Him as a shining light, and I did it to the best of my ability.

And I feel my heart being tugged to do the same thing here. And I am feeling challenged to do without a fuss, and without complaining that it is too hard. But just to simply do it.

"Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the World of Truth." 2 Timothy 2:15

I humbly accept what God's will is for my life today. I respectfully ask for the strength to do it. I pray that my eyes don't leave Him, even for a moment so that His Kingdom may be furthered.

God Raises the Level of Impossible..

It's been five months today.

"Look at the nations and watch—
and be utterly amazed.
For I am going to do something in your days
that you would not believe,
even if you were told. "
Habakkuk 1:5

"My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one." John 17:15

"But let all who take refuge in you rejoice;let them ever sing for joy,and spread your protection over them,that those who love your name may exult you." Psalm 5:11

"Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes." Ephesians 6:11

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
The Lord is my portion, says my soul,
therefore I will hope in him."

Lamentations 3:22-24

There were so many things that could have gone wrong in the accident. The Almighty God preserved my life. He declared that he had a specific purpose for my life and He wasn't finished with me quite yet.

God's calling was clear. His plan remains flawless. And my love toward Him deepens.

Look at these:

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." John 13:24

"Learn to do good; seek justice. Correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause." Isaiah 1:17

Look at this smile... it was COMPLETELY worth it!!

"I want you to know brothers, what has happened to me has really served to advance the Gospel." Philippians 1:12

It begins now.

Trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down
At the foot of the cross

God has placed me here for a specific reason. He has set aside this time in Abbotsford for a purpose. As I have softened my heart towards Him, and accepted that there isn't a time where I am "outreach" and when I am home. That He has called me to live in a missions field. That He has placed my family in my life so that I may be a LIGHT to them. That my life can't ONLY reflect Christ when I am overseas. That it's a DAILY conscious choice to live out exactly how I have been transformed.

I just want to declare that TODAY is the day of Salvation. TODAY is the day I start living as a changed believer of Christ. Today I start living outwardly this transformation.

It's no longer good enough to be changed from the inside. It's outwardly showing the transforming power of Christ to the WORLD; starting with my family. I HAVE been renewed! The POWER of Christ is ALIVE within me. Today I submit COMPLETELY to the task that I know God has been tugging my heart towards for a VERY long time.

Today is the start of something beautiful.

"And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." 2 Corinthians 3:18

Fight The Good Fight.

And this is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way.
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I’ll stand.

These past weeks have been hard. It's been a struggle within me: a battle between my head and the rest of my body. My mind has not comprehended or given into what my soul knows is right. It's been an ongoing battle...

Even as I write this I am brought to tears. I'm STRIVING for more of God, but I hold back. I confess with my mouth and heart that I want all of God, but I withdraw when He asks me to give all of myself back to Him. But the desire is there. The unrest within me has taken over.

You won't relent
until you have it all...
my heart is yours.

God is not allowing me to be satisfied with only half of Him. My spirit isn't resting because I know that there is TRUTH out there I still am not grasping. My heart is still overloaded because I do not comprehend the fullness of God. Everything inside me has been stirred to no longer be quenched with what I have been alright with before.

These struggles within me have exhausted me. COMPLETELY drained me. I've worn out EVERYTHING that I have. There is absolutely NOTHING left of me.

I've realized that what I've done during my time in YWAM... things that were confirmed in my heart, struggles that I had held onto that I was released from and freedoms that were gained in my life , STILL need to be DECLARED today, they still NEED to be CLAIMED TODAY!

He empties me because He is ABLE to fill me once again, but I haven’t allowed Him into to do that. It’s been a DAILY battle, a continuous conscious choice to choose LIGHT! I know I lose sight of the goal and after falling flat on my face again and again, the desire is gone to face the reality that it is happening for a purpose and get back up. It’s easier for me to stay down.

But I hear God calling out to me, saying I WILL REFRESH you. I see Him stretching His arms out and crying I will REPLENISH your spirit. I recognize He longs to RENEW within me the passion to be content in Him alone.

So, I come to the Lord tonight defeated wanting to be victorious. I come to the Lord tonight humbled to a place where I can honestly ask to be filled ONLY by Him. Tonight I am able to grasp that I’ve been suitably equipped for the battle that is ahead and I will be given ENOUGH for the day.

It’s the start of something wonderful. It’s the start of something deeper. It’s the start of something extraordinary.

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rules, nor things present or things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 8:37-40

There is hope for helpless.

Rest for the weary.

Love for the broken heart.

There is grace and forgiveness

Mercy and healing.

He'll meet you wherever you are.

Cry out to Jesus.

Cry out to Jesus.

Tonight I call on Jesus.

Tonight I pray for His arms to wrap around me.

Tonight I desire His tangible love.

Tonight I long for comfort beyond comprehension.

Tonight I ask for unconditional grace.

Tonight I proclaim I need Him more than ever.

Tonight I DECLARE His love has covered me.

Tonight I say that I'm no longer afraid.

Tonight I cry that out to Jesus.

Tonight I realize your love is all that matters.

Tonight I devote my entire self to You once again.

Tonight I understand the power of Your Blood.

Tonight I am no longer satisfied with half truths.

Tonight I acknowledge that there is a time for everything.

Tonight I know He is with me.

Tonight I rest in the TRUTH that I am HIS.

Tonight I stand adored by Him.

When everything falls apart your arms hold me together.