The Cross

Nine months ago on the first of the month, my world was turned upside down.

"But though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love; for he does not willingly afflict or grieve the children of men." Lamentations 3:32-33

I've learned a lot of things these past nine months.

I think the biggest and most important thing that I've learned over these months have been my deepening understanding of the cross.

The knowledge and faith that once something has been brought to the foot of the cross it is no longer our burden.

The comprehension of the defeat of our sins by the blood.

The power to grasp the cleansing power of this blood.

The beauty of a Savior who in our place took on the agonies of Hell, and suffered beyond anything in our wildest imaginations.

The picture that was painted of a God who's unconditional love goes beyond the boundaries of death and reaches down to us individually.

The encouragement that He gives us being able to overcome sufferings of this world.

The compassion and grace that was shown to the children of God.

The majesty of a flawless God who choses to be my friend.

The more I think of it; the more things the cross means to me.

Seven hours Jesus spent on the cross. In seven long minutes my world shattered. In seven days the earth was created. And seven times more will I praise the Lord with my every breath.

"O Lord, my Lord, the strength of my salvation, you have covered my head in the day of battle."Psalm 140:7

What a beautiful Savior.

This one is His.

I give it all to Him.

No matter what the cost.

I have already lost.

I can't do it alone.

I need Him by my side.

Hope cannot be found.

This far into the ground.

I have lifted up my sorrow.

It overfills His hands.

I had to look away.

It was not meant to stay.

My pain thus far remains

But in rememberence to Him.

Jesus paid the price.

The final sacrifice.

With this thought I'm lifted.

How could I've overlooked it?

Even though I'm hurting.

He stands there still alerting.

What a beautiful thing.

I simply do not comprehend.

What a beautiful Savior.

I say again:

What a beautiful Savior.

Relief.

"Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer." Psalm 4:1

When Jesus died on the cross giving up His life in place for us he boldly stated "It is finished." (Luke 19:30) In the same way when we completely surrender something to Jesus and we declare for His will to be done not ours; it is finished. We have left it for Jesus to say yes, no or later.

These past weeks have been a struggle, so many things going on with my family, with India and with me. I am currently finishing the Old Testament and read in Nahum 1:7 "The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him." And I thought this was just AMAZING.

God doesn't get to know us better when everything is perfect, and when we are strong. He gets to know us better when we are in hard times, in the times where he comes alongside us and helps us through our troubles, through our hardships and through the time where we don't even know what way is up or down. God is there and by pressing into Him it allows us to become more aware of who our Father is, and who He still is through our hard times.

That was my week this week; crying out to God telling Him I didn't know what was going on, I couldn't see what was up and what was down. It took a couple days for me to stand up, take a step back and realize that no matter what is going on in my life that God is unchanging. What I thought of Him in the middle of Honduras, or not going to Brasil, and at a weekend service; His characteristics never change, He will always be my loving Father who is my refuge in times of need.

I gave up all my desires, all my dreams and all my plans for the future. It was harder than I thought it would be. It comes down to the fact that I trust God more than I trust myself. It comes down to the fact that God knows more about me than I know myself, He knows my desires and the best part of it all is that He's going to be there holding my hand, lifting my chin up in hard times, and when I need Him the most I'll be there wrapped in His arms and He'll be there comforting me reminding me that this is HIS will.

This has been a HUGE relief this week. It's in ALL in God's hands now!!

"I know you've washed me white  Turned my darkness into light  I need your peace to get me through  To get me through this night  I can't live by what I feel  But by the truth your word reveals  I'm not holding on to you  But your holding on to me  Your holding on to me " Casting Crowns

It's been a few weeks of not knowing what lies ahead, of not knowing when I am going to leave. It's been a few weeks of trusting God that His timing is perfect. 

Your Grace is Enough.

Do we make plans and then ask God to prefect them?

Or do we ask God to direct our paths, direct our thoughts, actions and way of living?

Do we ask God in all His perfection what our next move should be?

Our omniscient God, does He take a back row when it comes to our life plans?

It's time that I take step back. It's time that I allow God and His flawless qualities to actually be put to use in my life. It's time that get back onto the path that God has set before me.

I don't get a say; I don't get to choose where He takes me; I don't get to make a request; I don't get to know where He will lead me; and I don't get to back out when times get rough.

I do get assurance, I do get my Creator choosing a perfect path for me, I do get a God that knows my deepest heart's desires; I do get a loving Father guiding His precious child's footsteps; I do get grace when it's needed, I do get strength for anything He brings towards me, and I do get a friendship that is worth every moment.

He's made it quite clear, it's written it out in plain English that this is what I need to do. That without doing this I'm not equip to go to India, I'm not ready to surrender my entire life. What I need to do today is trust. Trust that God is mighty to save, and trust that He's got my back. Trust in His timing and trust that His grace is enough.

As I get closer and closer to God; I'm getting closer and closer to what He has in store for me. Right now it's India. Right now it's the children that He's lost.

His grace is enough; and it's my prayer today that I will never forget that.

Jesus Freaks

Sometimes I feel as though God should have chosen someone else; that I'm not strong enough to endure through the things that He's called me to do. That somehow He's made a mistake and I can't possibly be called to the middle of India. Sometimes I feel that it's just all too overwhelming and I have a great life here. Sometimes I think that there must be someone better suited to go into the depths of India to preach the Gospel.

"For He knows how weak we are; He remembers we are only dust." Psalm 103:14 I am reminded that it's true: I am not worthy, I am not fit for the task He's put ahead of me, and mostly I have been gifted with a gift which I do not deserve. But still God has chosen me; worth only as a spec of dust in His eyes, yet He's chosen me. He's chosen to work through me, to strengthen me, to give me a worth, to give me boldness in His name, and most importantly He's done what cost Him His son for me; He's given me eternity.

I'm leaving to India in two days. These thoughts ring in my mind over and over again. I've been truly blessed. God's given me a purpose and a desire to follow Him. He will be the one strengthening me and encouraging me in India. His mighty works will be displayed throughout India and I have the privilege of going along the ride with Him. And though there is no way that I'd be able to do this myself I have love of my life: my savior going alongside me.

I'm currently reading Jesus Freaks, a book about martyrs; a book about thousands of men, women and children giving their lives for the furtherance of the Gospel; a book about people that were burned at the stake, people who's fingernails got pulled off one by one, of people who's families were getting killed in front of their faces; a book where through all these circumstances these people prayed for their killers that they'd come to know Christ, and with their final breath glorified Jesus' name on high and praised Him for their sufferings.

I sit here today praying for just this; boldness to preach the Gospel with reverence and adoration; strength to endure whatever He puts before me; and when it comes time to choose Jesus or life I pray that with complete confidence that I will choose Jesus Christ.

"Sin loses its power over us when we lay our lives down for Christ--because our eyes are on Jesus."

dc Talk

Where you end I begin.

"Where you end Nikita, I begin."

This is what I've been hearing from God A LOT lately; and I've found it QUITE true.

This whole India situation has been BEYOND CRAZY! Pushing the limits of my faith; where my EVERYTHING needs to be centered on the basis that I TRUST the Lord; and I BELIEVE that this is His will for my life.

I've finally come the the realization which gets sums up in John 3:30 "HE MUST INCREASE, BUT I MUST DECREASE."

In times where I feel like I have NO IDEA what I'm going to do in the middle of India by myself, to times where I think that I can't bare the fact that I'll be LEAVING my friends again. Mostly the times where there's nothing of me that keeps me going. That's when God steps in and holds me tight; telling me THIS is the time where I NEED to push past what people are telling me, that I NEED to continue to put all my trust in Him, I NEED to walk with confidence that the Lord is in control and most importantly that He's STRONG ENOUGH to get me through ANY situation.

That still whisper is what I hear "Where you end Nikita, that is where I begin." It is now my prayer from this day forward; that where I end and where He begins has no definite line. That God's FLAWLESS qualities will be in my life everyday in every moment. That I will continue to decrease so that Christ may be glorified in my life. That my thoughts and His thoughts, my plans and His plans, and above all my actions and His actions are aligned.

May my life be lived for the GLORIFICATION of Christ!